If I decide to show this to you, Mrs. A., then I just simply wanna start with this: I feel miserable. I also feel contempt to some of my classmates. Yes, I am well aware of the fact, that you don´t like seeing these depressing texts from me that much, but I just want to get this out of me. I chose to write this to you, because you´re one of the teachers, I trust the most. Perhaps even the only one since Frau Sch. went away. Anyway … today I was told to hang myself, because I wasn´t very fast in sports. I will not name who it was and I won´t make a drama out of it. Anyway … to be honest what really hurts me is not the fact, that it is not the first time I was told to commit suicide. Speaking of that … do you remember the text I wrote pain last school year? You asked me, if I was alright and if it had anything to do with me. I said, I was fine and that is was nothing, but that was a lie. It was somehow based on me. I´ve been thinking of suicide more than once. The fear of death and my friends ‘words were stronger than the urge to die. Please don´t worry and don´t tell anyone. Nobody can really help me with this. I don´t want to go to a teacher, who´ll talk to me about it and “attempt” to help me. It´ll be invain. Please, promise not to tell anyone. It´ll only cause more stress.

Der Brief bereitet der Englischlehrerin schlaflose Nächte. So wendet sie sich, trotz Ersuchen der Schülerin, niemanden einzubinden, an mich. Im Erstgespräch mit dem Mädchen halten die Lehrerin und ich fest, dass wir sehr froh sind, dass sie sich an die Lehrerin gewandt hat und diese in dem Fall auch verpflichtet ist, Hilfsmaßnahmen einzuleiten, also z. B. mich als Betreuungslehrerin einzubinden. Ella hat große Angst, dass durch ein Offenlegen alles noch schlimmer werden könnte.

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